


there’s nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you

by bokiyoomi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, everyone gay panics for bokuto, i mean can you blame them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27791209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokiyoomi/pseuds/bokiyoomi
Summary: Everyone who knew Bokuto had, sooner or later, loved him.Almost.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Konoha Akinori, Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma, Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 46





	there’s nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you

**Author's Note:**

> long short story my friend sends me this tweet that i’ll try to link tomorrow morning by the haikyuu x fob twitter account when i was about to go to sleep and my eyes OPENED i couldn’t go to sleep until this was finished
> 
> i have class in three hours  
> what am i doing with my life
> 
> sorry for any mistake english is not my first language and i’m very very tired

For Kuroo, it was at his first tournament in middle school. He was already in second year, but it was his first time playing in an official match. That was the moment when he met a cute spiker with golden eyes that managed to go through all of his blocks. Kuroo’s team lost, inevitably. 

«I’m Bokuto!» the golden eyed kid told him after the match «you were like, really good, dude. We should play together sometimes!»

Kuroo’s face was painted by a soft pink blush. 

«Uh- sure! You’ll see, I’ll get to block you one day!» he said, smiling proudly. 

Bokuto smiled back, with a challenging light in his golden eyes that made him like an owl ready to catch his prey. 

«I’d like to see you try…-»

«Kuroo. That’s my name.»

«Totally fits you.»

«I could say the same for you.» 

The two proceeded to exchange emails, with the promise to meet someday soon and play together. 

«See ya, Kuroo!»

Bokuto left, leaving a now totally red Kuroo waving his hand at him. 

_Oh, gods, he wanted him to keep saying his name forever. He wanted him to-_

«Stop with the gay panic, Kuro.» Kenma said, appearing behind him. 

What Kenma didn’t know is that he would have been the next one. 

After he became friends with Kuroo, it was only a matter of time for Bokuto to meet Kenma. 

He was part of the package. 

At first, the younger boy didn’t like him. Too loud, too energetic, just too much for him. Bokuto insisted on spiking his sets, but he’d never be tired, not even after the twentieth ball the setter tossed for him. Said setter, on the other end, would have been rather happy to stop after the tenth one, if not before. 

It was not that Kenma didn’t like volleyball - he did not like it, either - but practice after school was more than enough for him.

Anyway, he couldn’t ignore how passionate Bokuto looked while playing. His eyes shined at every spike that hit the ground on the opposite side, and his cheerful “hey hey hey”s filled the silence of the gym. 

He also looked really, _really,_ pretty, but Kenma would have never admitted that to himself. 

Not yet, at least. 

When Bokuto took his hands and looked at him with his shiny eyes saying «Thank you for your sets, Kenma!» he short circuited. 

It was too much to handle all at once. 

«You’re welcome…»

And when Bokuto smiled at him, Kenma knew he was _definitely_ too much, even though not in the same way he thought. 

Time passed, and both Kuroo and Kenma’s little crushes disappeared. 

That was when Konoha stepped in. 

His new teammate sure didn’t have an ordinary look. He had seen him around the school before but, maybe for his black and white spiky hair, maybe for his untidy way to wear his uniform, he thought he was some kind of punk. 

It took him just a couple minutes in the same room as Bokuto to know he was completely wrong. 

The guy was bright like the sun, whose weak rays kept filtering through the gym’s windows even though it was already late, enlightening Bokuto with a warm, yellow light. Konoha never really cared about supernatural creatures, but he wouldn’t have hesitated to believe it if someone told him Bokuto was a sun god or some sort of angel. 

Not only he was _that_ beautiful, he was also the best between the first years, he was obviously getting accepted into the team. 

Konoha, on the other hand, didn’t really shine, in his own opinion. 

«Dude, you were so good!»

_What._

Konoha blinked twice to be sure it was really Bokuto in front of him, telling him he did _so good_ , after doing the best performance he’d ever seen by a guy of his age. 

«I- I’m sorry?»

«Yes! Yes! You have no weaknesses! You see, I may be good, the best!, at spiking, but I have to work on my recieve and, _man,_ don’t get me started on my sets! These hands were totally not made for being a setter’s! Meanwhile, you could do anything just right, your spikes, your receives, your sets… you’re like a jack of all trades!»

If Konoha wasn’t able to properly process the previous “you were so good”, he _definitely_ wasn’t ready for this. 

«We should have some extra practice together sometimes!»

Still now, Konoha doesn’t know how he survived that. 

He just knew that going to school became a lot less heavy since he had a sunshine spiker to practice with in the afternoon. 

And then there was Akaashi, of course. 

Probably the one who loved Bokuto the most. 

Not only he loved him, he admired him, he understood him, he cherished him both platonically and romantically. 

Bokuto was a star in Akaashi’s eyes. 

Akaashi loved stars because they are a fixed point in the sky, a safe path to follow for night travelers. 

And so was Bokuto. 

Everytime Akaashi was upset, he knew the right words to comfort him. 

Everytime Akaashi was lost in his thoughts and anxieties, he knew how to keep him grounded on the earth. 

Every time something was wrong, Bokuto knew how to fix it. 

Akaashi thought that he could do anything by his side. They were no longer mere pieces in the hands of Fate, they were the protagonists of the world. 

One time, Bokuto hugged him. 

It was something that happened often, Bokuto was a very touchy person and liked to hug his friends, Akaashi above all. 

But that time was different. 

It had been a rough day, school was tiring and practice didn’t go well. 

«Thank you, ‘Kaashi.» he whispered. 

Bokuto didn’t like to show that side of himself. He didn’t want to be a burden to his friends, he wanted to be the one cheering them up when they were sad. 

And Akaashi knew how much Bokuto didn’t like to show his flaws to anyone, despite his tragic emo phase that hit him from time to time. So when Bokuto thanked him, Akaashi’s heart filled with joy. He was sorry for his friend, needless to say, but he was also happy to be the safe shelter Bokuto always had been for him. 

And in the lull of his hug, Akaashi caught himself in the illusion that maybe, someday, Bokuto could love him back. 

That would have been the safest choice, indeed. 

Bokuto wondered about that many, many, times. 

_Why couldn’t he just fall for Akaashi?_

He was his best friend, he was his dearest person in the whole world and he knew him like no one else did. 

They would have been the perfect couple. 

But it was another pair of green eyes that caught him.

Since the first time they played against each other, when they were still in high school, Bokuto couldn’t forget about him. First of all, he had to admit, the guy was really good, _even_ _better than him_. Second, he was really pretty. And third, Bokuto wanted revenge. They would have met again at nationals and Fukurodani would have won. Bokuto would have shown his now elected rival and everyone else, too, what being an ace was all about. 

Said revenge didn’t come. Not in high school, and also not in the professional world. 

On the opposite, they became teammates. 

When captain Meian said they had a new member of Black Jackals, Bokuto didn’t expect him to be Sakusa Kiyoomi. 

He looked at him with his mouth open.

«Shut it, yer gonna eat a fly.» Atsumu told him. 

Bokuto was too focused on Sakusa to give attention to Atsumu and the fly. His high school rival was standing in front of him, more beautiful than he’d ever been. It was his chance to finally get to know him and- _and finally show him who’s the best. Nothing else._

There was something else, _of course_. 

Bokuto knew that getting closer to Sakusa would have been hard, but he didn’t expect it to be _this_ hard. Bokuto tried his best, he really did, but nothing seemed to work out. 

He couldn’t get his head around it. 

Until Atsumu told him: Sakusa was already dating someone, since high school. 

Bokuto’s hopes shattered. 

«’M sorry, Bokkun. I knew ya liked him. - Atsumu said - I’m here if ya need it»

Bokuto had been spoiled his whole life. 

Everyone who knew him had, sooner or later, loved him. 

He never had to face the emptiness of heart caused by not feeling loved, the hot tears running down your face when you feel like all your love is going wasted but you can’t help it and you don’t really want to, because even if they don’t reciprocate your feelings, they still are the one you love the most, and you still hope that maybe all the sadness that you’re feeling will be repaid in the future. 

Bokuto never knew how it felt until he found himself breaking down in tears because _why did it have to be so hard_ .

He didn’t know how your chest hurts when you keep crying and crying and you just can’t stop, because you would like to cry all your love out until you’re free to start again, to love someone else, but you don’t actually want to cause you feel like there could never be anyone else that you can love as much.

He didn’t know the _need_ to be with someone even when the odds seem to be against you in everything you do, so you keep asking yourself if you’re really strong enough to keep challenging Fate and _no, you’re not_ but you keep doing that anyway because giving up would mean stop loving and what would be left of you if you stopped loving. 

Bokuto never knew until now. 

Now, he would have traded all the love he had ever received for a tiny, tiny piece of Sakusa’s heart.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading my nocturnal whatever this is
> 
> i hope you liked it (*´꒳`*)


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